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Tech, Lies and Mother's Day Gifts, the reverse-spin guide
Posted April 29, 2009
By SHAUN CONLIN, EVERGEEK MEDIA
Call it clever marketing or call it an act of desperation in desperate times, but around here, calendar holidays beget a flood of press releases and news story pitches about "the perfect gift for ."
Mother's Day is a particularly peculiar time of year for those of us covering the consumer technology beat. Apparently, flowers, chocolates, a day at the spa or kid-made breakfast-in-bed is out of style. Apparently, Mom really wants a new 22" LCD monitor with an iPod dock. Apparently, we're just the sort to jump on the geek-love bandwagon and rah rah electronics like so much manna bequeathed by the gizmo gods. Wrong.
To be sure, some moms really do want an HDTV or a Digital Pedometer w/Personal Alarm and Mother's Day is as good an excuse as any to have one bought for them. But most moms I know, the one I have and another that I'm married to, simply don't. Not now, not for their one special day of the year that just might let them sleep in without worry, or have the house cleaned for them, or dinner made (or better yet, cooked by a chef at a swank restaurant) because all else is taken care of by hubby and the kids... or can be put off until tomorrow like a Mother's Day hangover.
Here's a run down of some of the more ambitious Mother's Day "gift ideas" found in my inbox, along with Evergeek's proprietary de-discombobulation redress on each.
Subject: iZ3D Beefs Up Rebate Program in Time for Mother's Day
The Pitch: iZ3D Extends $50 Rebate to NVIDIA GeForce Graphics Card Customers; Website Now Includes a "3D Bucks Rebate Center" to Make 3D Even More Affordable ...customers that purchase an iZ3D monitor simply register their purchase online or mail in required rebate documents.
The Actuality: To be sure, an iZ3D 3D monitor is really, really cool (we're reviewing one right now, in fact). Stereoscopic 3D graphics through sexy polarized sunglasses? How cool is that?! But in the main, this is a gamer's monitor, so unless mom is playing a lot of Call of Duty: World at War (could happen), it's serious overkill. It's like saying "you're the best, mom. And in 30 - 90 days, I'll have the rebate check that proves it. Meanwhile, can I play now?"
Subject: It's the thought that counts (Mother's Day Gifts on a Budget) - Sakar Aqua Shot Underwater Digital Camera
The Pitch: Does your mom constantly click away? With the Sakar Aqua Shot Underwater Digital Camera she can take pictures anywhere - even underwater (editor's note: doi). Ideal for the beach, the swimming pool or the cottage, this cost effective camera is the perfect way to treat [the] favorite family photographer this Mother's Day.
The Actuality: At just $20, this is barely a camera... more like a toy you give a 5-year-old to snap underwater crotch shots in the shallow end of the public swimming hole like only Rainman could appreciate. Accidently drop it or forget it in the change room? No loss.
Subject: Pretty and Pink is not enough this Mother's Day! Mini Digital Scale
The Pitch: If mom is a marvelous baker, why not pick up some fantastic kitchen applies [sic] like a Mini Digital Scale. Ultra-portable, this mini scale comes with a choice of two measurements: grams or ounces. Its slender, small size also makes it perfect for storage.
The Actuality: If mom is truly a marvelous baker, she probably already has a quality scale and can dash, pinch and pour with her eyes closed, anyway. Buying her this $25 electronic scale is tantamount to saying "We're tired of the rock hard cookies, mom. Use this. And for God's sake, woman, it says 8 ounces of chopped walnuts, not 8 grams. And hurry, we're hungry." Of course, this is a great gift idea if mom is going to start a home based business baking, uh, "special" cookies.
Subject: For Mom on the Go, Magellan Roadmate 1412
The Pitch: Picking up, dropping off, dashing out... Mothers seem to constantly be on the move. Surprise your motoring mom this May with the Magellan Roadmate GPS System. Sleek and stylish, this economical, pocket-sized GPS includes a 4.3" color touch screen, an extensive Point of Interest database and built in maps for all of North America. Is driving driving her crazy? Magellan will make her trips stress free.
The Actuality: Wrong on so many levels. First, if your "motoring mom" hasn't figured out where the school, soccer field and dentist office is by now, she needs a lot more than a GPS. Alzheimer drugs, maybe. (Sorry if that insults anyone with Alzheimer's... forget I said it. Bahdoomp.) Second, "pocket sized" is code for "itty bitty" and squinting at a dinky screen instead of looking at the road isn't a terribly bright idea, much less a "stress free" one. And third, "maps for all of North America" will invariably not include the new twisty, windy, traffic-calmed suburb mom happens to live in, the only place she might find a GPS actually comes in handy. Oh, and fourth, true story: my brother-in-law bought a GPS for my sister one year. He loves it.
Subject: For the Active Mom, Wii Fit with Balance Board
The Pitch: If your mom prefers to work out from the comfort of her own home, then Wii Fit with Balance Board is the perfect gift for her. With over 40 activities and exercises including yoga, strength training and aerobics, mom will never get bored! Wii Fit also allows her to check her Body Mass Index, set goals and track her progress. Finally, fitness that is fun too!
The Actuality: First off, another true story, this one involving my other sister: You need a Wii console in order to use Wii Fit with Balance Board; it is not a self contained exercise system. That said, if there's already a Wii in the house, mom probably already gets a lot of exercise cleaning up toys and tripping over controllers scattered about the floor, and that's a free exercise regimen and she should thank you with soft chewy, well-measured cookies. Also know that Wii Fit is going to call mom "fat" the minute she steps onto it; thus, you too are calling mom "fat" by proxy. And really, if "mom prefers to work out from the comfort of her own home," wouldn't that imply she already has an exercise routine? And with that in mind, know that you can't hang laundry on Wii Balance Board like the good old fashion treadmill that she used once.
Subject: Give mom a reason to play favorites
The Pitch: For a last-minute gift that makes a lasting impression, give iPod this Mother's Day (variations mention iPhone and iPod Touch).
The Actuality: Perfectly awesome devices to be sure, but only Mac users should get iAnything. Apple iStuff will fight tooth and nail with a Windows-based PC and require all sorts of installation shenanigans, full library conversations, draconian devotion to iTunes-and-nothing-else, false starts, lock ups and freezes. Good luck with it, mom. Plus, they're the textbook embodiment of "planned obsolescence" ...along with any perfectly long-lived docking station you might pick up for it, which will not be compatible with the next iThingie releasing next month, which you will buy when you realize it's $10 cheaper than sending in your current iSucker to have its dead and irreplaceable battery replaced.
Mother's Day is a particularly peculiar time of year for those of us covering the consumer technology beat. Apparently, flowers, chocolates, a day at the spa or kid-made breakfast-in-bed is out of style. Apparently, Mom really wants a new 22" LCD monitor with an iPod dock. Apparently, we're just the sort to jump on the geek-love bandwagon and rah rah electronics like so much manna bequeathed by the gizmo gods. Wrong.
To be sure, some moms really do want an HDTV or a Digital Pedometer w/Personal Alarm and Mother's Day is as good an excuse as any to have one bought for them. But most moms I know, the one I have and another that I'm married to, simply don't. Not now, not for their one special day of the year that just might let them sleep in without worry, or have the house cleaned for them, or dinner made (or better yet, cooked by a chef at a swank restaurant) because all else is taken care of by hubby and the kids... or can be put off until tomorrow like a Mother's Day hangover.
Here's a run down of some of the more ambitious Mother's Day "gift ideas" found in my inbox, along with Evergeek's proprietary de-discombobulation redress on each.
Subject: iZ3D Beefs Up Rebate Program in Time for Mother's DayThe Pitch: iZ3D Extends $50 Rebate to NVIDIA GeForce Graphics Card Customers; Website Now Includes a "3D Bucks Rebate Center" to Make 3D Even More Affordable ...customers that purchase an iZ3D monitor simply register their purchase online or mail in required rebate documents.
The Actuality: To be sure, an iZ3D 3D monitor is really, really cool (we're reviewing one right now, in fact). Stereoscopic 3D graphics through sexy polarized sunglasses? How cool is that?! But in the main, this is a gamer's monitor, so unless mom is playing a lot of Call of Duty: World at War (could happen), it's serious overkill. It's like saying "you're the best, mom. And in 30 - 90 days, I'll have the rebate check that proves it. Meanwhile, can I play now?"
Subject: It's the thought that counts (Mother's Day Gifts on a Budget) - Sakar Aqua Shot Underwater Digital CameraThe Pitch: Does your mom constantly click away? With the Sakar Aqua Shot Underwater Digital Camera she can take pictures anywhere - even underwater (editor's note: doi). Ideal for the beach, the swimming pool or the cottage, this cost effective camera is the perfect way to treat [the] favorite family photographer this Mother's Day.
The Actuality: At just $20, this is barely a camera... more like a toy you give a 5-year-old to snap underwater crotch shots in the shallow end of the public swimming hole like only Rainman could appreciate. Accidently drop it or forget it in the change room? No loss.
Subject: Pretty and Pink is not enough this Mother's Day! Mini Digital ScaleThe Pitch: If mom is a marvelous baker, why not pick up some fantastic kitchen applies [sic] like a Mini Digital Scale. Ultra-portable, this mini scale comes with a choice of two measurements: grams or ounces. Its slender, small size also makes it perfect for storage.
The Actuality: If mom is truly a marvelous baker, she probably already has a quality scale and can dash, pinch and pour with her eyes closed, anyway. Buying her this $25 electronic scale is tantamount to saying "We're tired of the rock hard cookies, mom. Use this. And for God's sake, woman, it says 8 ounces of chopped walnuts, not 8 grams. And hurry, we're hungry." Of course, this is a great gift idea if mom is going to start a home based business baking, uh, "special" cookies.
Subject: For Mom on the Go, Magellan Roadmate 1412The Pitch: Picking up, dropping off, dashing out... Mothers seem to constantly be on the move. Surprise your motoring mom this May with the Magellan Roadmate GPS System. Sleek and stylish, this economical, pocket-sized GPS includes a 4.3" color touch screen, an extensive Point of Interest database and built in maps for all of North America. Is driving driving her crazy? Magellan will make her trips stress free.
The Actuality: Wrong on so many levels. First, if your "motoring mom" hasn't figured out where the school, soccer field and dentist office is by now, she needs a lot more than a GPS. Alzheimer drugs, maybe. (Sorry if that insults anyone with Alzheimer's... forget I said it. Bahdoomp.) Second, "pocket sized" is code for "itty bitty" and squinting at a dinky screen instead of looking at the road isn't a terribly bright idea, much less a "stress free" one. And third, "maps for all of North America" will invariably not include the new twisty, windy, traffic-calmed suburb mom happens to live in, the only place she might find a GPS actually comes in handy. Oh, and fourth, true story: my brother-in-law bought a GPS for my sister one year. He loves it.
Subject: For the Active Mom, Wii Fit with Balance BoardThe Pitch: If your mom prefers to work out from the comfort of her own home, then Wii Fit with Balance Board is the perfect gift for her. With over 40 activities and exercises including yoga, strength training and aerobics, mom will never get bored! Wii Fit also allows her to check her Body Mass Index, set goals and track her progress. Finally, fitness that is fun too!
The Actuality: First off, another true story, this one involving my other sister: You need a Wii console in order to use Wii Fit with Balance Board; it is not a self contained exercise system. That said, if there's already a Wii in the house, mom probably already gets a lot of exercise cleaning up toys and tripping over controllers scattered about the floor, and that's a free exercise regimen and she should thank you with soft chewy, well-measured cookies. Also know that Wii Fit is going to call mom "fat" the minute she steps onto it; thus, you too are calling mom "fat" by proxy. And really, if "mom prefers to work out from the comfort of her own home," wouldn't that imply she already has an exercise routine? And with that in mind, know that you can't hang laundry on Wii Balance Board like the good old fashion treadmill that she used once.
Subject: Give mom a reason to play favoritesThe Pitch: For a last-minute gift that makes a lasting impression, give iPod this Mother's Day (variations mention iPhone and iPod Touch).
The Actuality: Perfectly awesome devices to be sure, but only Mac users should get iAnything. Apple iStuff will fight tooth and nail with a Windows-based PC and require all sorts of installation shenanigans, full library conversations, draconian devotion to iTunes-and-nothing-else, false starts, lock ups and freezes. Good luck with it, mom. Plus, they're the textbook embodiment of "planned obsolescence" ...along with any perfectly long-lived docking station you might pick up for it, which will not be compatible with the next iThingie releasing next month, which you will buy when you realize it's $10 cheaper than sending in your current iSucker to have its dead and irreplaceable battery replaced.
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Tech, Lies and Mother's Day Gifts, the reverse-spin guide
File Under:
Gear, Round-up, Hardware, iPhone / iPod Touch, Mobility, Videogame, Wii, Evergeek
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